biting my tongue

I have come to that time in my life when it is getting more and more difficult to hold back from what I want to say to someone.
But clearly I know if I unleash what I truly want to say it will hurt someone and maybe others.

I am to the point now, that if I say what I feel needs to be said, I may say hurtful things that I may regret later if and when this person passes on.

Why do I still have some "respect" for this person?

I have known self centered people and greedy people, but I was not close to them, I just knew them and steered clear of trying to get to close. But then there are those who you have had no choice but be close to, and I wonder how did this person get this way? Is this person capable of loving or is the only person they love themselves?

why are earthly possessions so important to this person? why does this person feel they need to show how "rich" they are? Was their childhood that horrible they must forget?
 
this person has no feelings except greed, and hate, they always put themselves first, Never once happy for someone they get jealous or have to say something negative.

This person has lived a good long life, has not taken good care of their self physically , they are addicted to pain medication, and denies it, this person is never happy. Never seen them smile much.

I went through and out of wedlock pregnancy and as much as I wanted to tell this person my situation I couldn't for fear of  being disowned and hated more. Although they did eventually find out the big surprise, I was not spoken to by this person for several months, while living under the same roof. this person was very upset at what I had done, but now takes  100% credit for raising my child.

Why couldn't this person be more like their mother, my grandma? the greed this person has, even separated them and their own sibling after grandmas death, over greed of money. they made up years later but little to late sibling passed away soon after reconcile.
 
I want to scream at this person "I HATE YOU and you' re a GREEDY needy  self medicating person " Is that bad?

Why have you messed me up so bad? Why do I feel I can never do anything right? Why do I always feel like a failure?
I have felt more self confident in the last 9 years because my husband has showed me I am appreciated and loved.