from my heart

To my husband's Ex wife, I am writing this letter to you, from my heart to yours with compassion, so I hope that in your awareness you open yourself up to what I am about to share with you.

I am reaching out to you as a mother I think its important that you know I try to understand where you are coming from. I know you have contempt for another human being.
I hope you will see this letter as one of genuine concern, as my intention is not to hurt you, but I am sure some of the things I share with you in this letter will definitely upset you.
If this letter does push your buttons, then there is truth to it and you will have to decide how you may choose to respond.
I am not saying any of this to be unkind, I am saying it from a place of love in sharing this with you. I just hope  that if you truly practice any level of awareness or have any level of consciousness you will open yourself up to the possibility of truth and grow from it.
For the last 10 years I have witnessed the relationship between you and your ex husband and how you have both attempted to hurt each other. I've tried to be supportive of both sides of the situation, but at the times this was very difficult to do, especially when you bare witness to such hate and venom that pours out of the mouths of two people that once loved each other and shared nearly 12 plus years of marriage, and creating life, birth and joy.
I find it hard to believe that after 10 years the both of you still feel such angst for each other, and that you have not made peace with the hurt. Are you scared to let go?
I'm not sure if you even realize that everytime you have argued, it has had overwhelming negative impact on your children, and you.
You are very good at manipulating every situation to suit yourself and you contradict what you say and do all the time.
I am confused has to how you can justify the way you behave and yet find fault with everything your ex husband has done.
You have taught the children to lie from the outset and you have succeeded in training them very well, you have taught your kids to disrespect others and not care how they treat people, because as long as they get what they want it doesn't matter who gets hurt.
You have taught the children to be fearful of expressing from their heart. because they do not want to hurt you.
but you no trouble telling their father how much the kids hate him and do not want to see him any longer. This saddens me, because the children you share together are amazing and I have been blessed as their step parent. From passed posts from the now adult child she is so sad and scared. She is fearful of you, and for some reason fearful of you dad, who has let her talk to him like a piece of dirt. He has apologized countless times, and wants to move on.
She wants to belong.
You and your ex husband are both strong willed, bullheaded, stubborn, and trying to control the outcomes is nothing but childish.
Its not about either one of you being right its about finding a happy medium where all can get along especially for the kids.
I would like to set the record straight with a few things that have hurt him deeply. these are untruths, which you need to hear. your ex has never, not want to pay child support, but he has questioned the amount, and got the resolved. Your ex never abandoned those girls, you made him leave cause he was broken and could not provide any more, and you were cheating on him.
You have told lies to his step family and aunt, (whom you never knew until he was out of your life), Told lies to his ex best friend, and tried to tell them to his late mother. I hope that makes you feel good, do understand that the truth always comes out whether it be a year from now or 10 or 20 years the truth will come out.
The father of your children will do anything for them and wants to bein in their life, but sadly you are the one who does everything to prevent this from happening.
Maybe you feel that if you continue to make life hard, he will just forget about his kids and disappear. But from an outsider looking in and having had access to most of your conversations, some of the things you have said to him, have been cruel beyond belief.  I still find it difficult to understand how it is okay to treat the father of your children like that.
I would totally understand the need to protect your kids, if he was and addict, or violent but he is an amazing man. it is shameful that you are allowed to get away with emotional murder. I know that is harsh, but in reality it is true, you see he has died emotionally as a man, because you have robbed him of that and any integrity he had has been tested, so forgive me if i don't agree with how you have treated him.
I am by no means saying he is a saint, especially in this situation. I have heard his response to you, which at times have been far less than pleasant. but it is hard to hold it together and remain calm when you are being verbally attached by others.
You make it hard to come from a place of love and hold a space of peace , when you clearly do not wish him any level of happiness or success, but that is irony in itself, because without his success you would not receive anything.
He provided the best he could, he was a proud man,  you controlled the money, and he did without so you could have it all.
He is depressed and it has destroyed any self worth he had has a father and a man.
Was he really that bad of a father? Was he such a terrible husband?
How would you feel if the roles were reversed?
You clearly do not care about the impact on him, or the kids and you will never understand because you choose not to think about others.
You are not more worthy than he, you are both equally responsible in this journey.
If the children were to visit our home, they would be treated with open heart and embraced and loved.
I can only hope forgiveness will find a home in both your hearts and gratitude will replace the pain and love

Why Did Dad Abandon me? Or did he?

Its difficult to start this one; but I am going to write this as my point of view being a step mom and witnessing my husband being accused of this by his children.

His oldest accused him of abandoning them, she was very verbal on how she felt. very harsh, hurtful things were said to him. Very disrespectful, but you know what we don't blame her. She has witnessed only her mothers side and only heard her mothers side. She never gave her dad the chance, he was made to look bad from day one. #askdad

As she has grown older and is a young adult now, who suffers from depression and anxiety, I am sure that is his fault also. How? Ask yourself.

Dad was forced out of their lives, #momplaysvictim 

Dad was not given a choice where he would go, or anything when mom decided she was done with him. She had already bought the plane ticket.  #dadisheartbroken

You see mom has admitted she made a mistake and wanted dad back, #adultery Dad did not want to take her back, he could not forgive her of her #adultery, trust was broken.

That is when things started getting more difficult, Mom started cutting his phone time down, and less communication, it was okay for her to replace dad, with #theloveofherlife who she separated from shortly after marrying, still wanting dad back, but found out dad had remarried and just wanted to be dad. #askdad 

So my question is did dad abandon you or was he forced to no contact? #askdad #momisalienator 

Ex Wife is a bully to Ex husband After Divorce (Kids Notice)

When we think of Couples going through a ugly divorce people assume that its that man who is the bully, We instantly imagine its the poor ex wife who is left to struggle under his emotional, financial, verbal attacks.

Honestly, I thought that too, until I met my now husband, then it became obvious that there are women out there that bully, before, during and after the divorce.

1) One of the cruelest and most vicious ex wife tactics manipulating that children, reasons could be;

a) you want more money
b) angry he is making a new life
c) he's not begging to come back

2) Everything he does is wrong, you belittle him, taking potshots,
saying to the children:
a) he abandoned you
b) he is stupid
c) he don't love you
d) you criticize everything about him

3) You intercept his time with the children, and gifts sent.


Does this sound like you? Then you are and ex wife BULLY

Its time for the Ex husband to start standing his ground, no more power will be given to the bully.

Somehow the children got lost in this, and their needs were not put first.
Every child needs both their parents in their lives, in some way shape or form. Its important that they have a solid relationship.

Remember your children are paying attention, Don't you want them to have positive relationships?

Why I pray for my husbands EX

I wasn’t entirely sure I would post this.  I’ve had this sitting in my brain for a few months now, and I couldn’t decide if I should write it, because somehow I feel kind of weird and awkward telling other people that I pray for my husband’s ex-wife.  The thing is, though, I think we need more people to pray for their awkward situations and the people they don’t always get along with.  The world would be a better place.

So I decided to sit down and thoughtfully write this out.  I hope it encourages you to be the stepmom God wants you to be and that you will decide to pray for your husband’s ex-wife too.  So here it is.

Why I pray for my husband’s ex-wife:

 Regardless of what I think of her at different points in time, my husband’s ex-wife is a person too, and God loves her.   If God loves her, and if Jesus tells us to “love your neighbor as yourself,” shouldn’t I pray for her as I would want others to pray for me?    She is a person, and she is loved by God; therefore, she needs and is deserving of my prayers.

 Chances are, she hurts too.  Regardless of what your husband has told me about their divorce (how it happened, how she hurt him, etc.), I can guarantee you that there was some amount of pain on her end that my husband inflicted.  Although, It may not be as deeply hurting as cheating,  but my point is that, no matter what she did to my husband, he hurt her as well.  She needs prayer to overcome her pain.

 Most importantly, she is the mother of my step children.  What affects her affects them.  This includes her relationships, her finances, her spiritual well-being, her emotional and mental well-being, and her health.  What affects my step children affects me, because their attitudes and behaviors will reflect how they are feeling.  If I want my step children to feel loved and secure at our home, why wouldn’t I want that for them all the time?

If you truly care for your step children, pray for their mother.  with Prayer, I will begin to forgive her for any hurt that she has caused us, and my feelings toward her may improve.  Even if I don’t feel like I love her like your “BFF,” at least I can look on her more positively.  And eventually, it is possible that her attitudes toward me will change, making life better for everyone involved.

Psycho?

If anyone, through this horrific alienation ordeal, has called you a “psycho”- your response should be- “thank you very much.”
You have been lied to, falsely accused of abuse, denied visitation, denied phone contact, been blocked from everything, drug into court to witness a cast of more liars and money grabbers to have your reputation put on the chopping block...
...

Yeah we are a little psycho...

But what kind of healthy parent would not go ballistic when their children are deliberately taught how to hate and literally stolen from their life????
We as alienated parents are pissed as hell and we want our children back NOW!
We are not going to take this bullshit any longer...
So we are going a little psycho!!!
We are going to yell from the rooftops to our local senators and congress and demand that our children be given the opportunity and freedom to love both parents,
We are going to educate teachers, counselors, school supervisors, law enforcement, CPS, parents etc... that taking a child from a loving parent is NOT going to be tolerated!
We are a little psycho because our children love us, need us and are counting on us to save them from the pain of parental alienation.

What went so bad when you got your way in the divorce that you felt the need to hurt us more? You got child support, you got the marriage ended, you got custody of the children, you got to mess them up anyone you wanted and yet you are still trying to hurt me? Why I ask, you cheated, you filed, you decided. So you are still trying to hurt me, someday you will not have full control over these children and they will be curious, they will ask questions, they will learn to hate you for lying to them, and deciding to cut their other parent out of their lives.

The only thing you have to fear is your SELF, cause as you grow older and the children are out of the home, you will have to live with yourself and the bed you have made. We have waited years for this and we can wait longer yet, but your day is coming, and I hope to GOD no one feels sorry for you, cause the truth does come out eventually, juggling all those balls must be exhausting.

You were not thinking long term were you? Always instant gratification with you.

So YES I am a little PSYCO... Thank you.

 

Nearly a decade watching my husband heartbreak

Over the last 10 years I have watched my husband struggle with his emotions on his relationship with his daughters and the dealings with his ex.

He has always been guarded on his emotions as most men are, but there as been at least half dozen times I have watched him breakdown and cry.

The crying was so heartbreaking to witness, I tried to console him, I wanted to make it better but so many roadblocks in the way.

He puts on a brave front, he wants what is best for his daughters; he knows the situation they are in and have been in for the last  ten years is far from perfect; at least they have a roof over their heads and have food on the table. the examples they have are sad excuses for adults. she knows just how close to bend the law before breaking it.

My dear husband is not a real religious man, although we have prayed together on several occasions, prayed that God will watch over his daughters and help take some of his heartache away.

 He has changed so much from the lost, angry, hurt man he was ten years ago, he has mellowed, and is more considerate, he says he thinks of his daughters plenty, more or less morning, noon and night. Certain times of the year he reflects on what his daughters might be doing. But still he knows he is a stranger to them and they are strangers to him, just wants to get to know them, and be in their lives.

Just a few weeks ago, he brought up the subject of his oldest daughter, saying he hope is she is not a 100% like her mom, since her mom has been the only influence she has had for ten years; not by his choice but his ex's, his desire is that maybe just maybe his daughter has just a little bit of his personality and goodness; if not it will be hopeless; she will be just as evil, and able to use people and hurt people and one that plays victim.

This breaks my heart two people that had children together can be so hateful to one another, I understand why my husband is angry, he was put in this position because of his ex's wants and desires.
I stepped in and help him fight, for he had basically given up, I got a little peeved at him, telling him to fight for your children, fight to be in their lives, as always she is a step ahead of us, and its easier for her to keep people on her side since she has the girls living with her, and primarily keeps everything on the outside on the up and up, but inside her home we are pretty sure its not all a bed of roses.

This my friends is predominantly what happens on the receiving end of a Parental Alienator, some people are fortunate enough to live in same zip code as their ex, unfortunately he was not given the choice of that, he was given a plane ticket along with the divorce papers.
He had about two days to say goodbye, who does that to their children, or their spouse? She did. All because she had other wants and desires.

 we keep watchful eye an daily prayers; #dadlovesyou
@frye_aug2010

Saying goodbye to daddy

On January 29,2018 Daddy took his last breath.
Before dad death 6 months ago, he changed so much, at first he would hallucinate and unknown to us at first he was acting out his dreams too, wandering non stop for hours and hours, (like sleep walking) Lewy body dementia is the form that daddy had, we did not know at first nor did the doctors, as in most dementias at first they are all similar, some just sleep a lot or chatter talk, some forget everything, but not our daddy, he started out not knowing what to expect, but felt he was given a death sentence. it was slow at first, he would forget things, he chose to give up driving when he got lost in his home town and couldn't find his way back home (thank goodness mom was with him), forgetting to eat, forgetting to wear shoes, forgetting to take meds without mom reminding him. He started sleeping less and less, up all hours of the night,  we could see it taking its toll on mom, she was worrying and cranky, he watched less and less TV (which use to be his favorite pass time)
He quit studying the Bible, cause reading was to difficult.
We knew it was time to make strong suggestions to our parents about moving from the farm to the city closer to us kids, so we could help as needed, that was a whole different process, dad was ready to move cause he knew he was getting worse, but mom wanted to stay longer, but gradually have made many trips to the farm us kids finally convinced her that it was time, We understood it was difficult giving up her dream retirement home, and going to a smaller one level duplex, but it would be closer to many doctors and hospitals, and closer to us kids so we could check on them, that all happened just in time, within about a three month period of living in the city, and many doctor appointments for them both, something  snapped within dad he wandered off one Sunday morning while waiting on mom to finish getting ready, thank goodness one Sibling was coming by to pick them up for church services, and was flagged down by a neighbor that dad was off in the wooded area, she ran out to get him and he was completely out of it, she could barely hold him up and walk, she immediately called me once she got him in the house and settled and gave him a drink.
When I got there mom was upset thinking we were upset with her, and we decided to take him to hospital, and that was the beginning of dads last 5 months with us, 11 hospitals and nursing homes, including geriatric psych stays, he grew weaker, and something about him would change, he was slowly losing his beautiful personality although we did get glimpses of it from time to time but he was slipping away, his beautiful smile was less often, he talked less, (which was very unlike daddy he never met a stranger) even though he was mostly hallucinating and wandering, he still was concerned for others, and the love of his life our mom, he always seem to perk up some when she came to visit, a few of there last times together, he wouldn't talk much, but he would just hold her hand as he drifted off to sleep.
dads swelling in his legs and feet and hands had gotten so bad towards the end of his time, and part of it I blame on the inattentive nursing home workers, he never got anything to drink except meal time, basically he didn't know if he was hungry or thirsty, he could not easily swallow anymore, unless it was finely pureed he had to drink thick fluids because he could choke.
Then January 29th approximately 12:30pm I received a call from hospice that he was gone, he was not alone, hospice was sitting with him but he did not want to be revived and we honored that, cause we knew his quality of life was not what he wanted.
I had to break the news to my little brother who works at the same place of employment I do, we took a few moments to cry and hug and we told our boss' they told us to go be with our family. but first we needed to call our siblings and find mom.
We all met at moms place and hugged and cried, but we knew we needed to make some firm plans, we had not yet decided where we wanted to have dad cremated, we had discussed it the weekend before  thinking we had several more months or so,
Thankfully one of my dear brother in laws, and one of my sisters went to the nursing home to say goodbye to daddy and hospice helped them make the choice of where to take dad, cause they can only hold him 6 hours at the nursing home. I know that must have been very difficult for them to do, but I am thankful for them as they chose to do it.
dads service was church like , thankful for my family's strong connection to so many wonderful people that brought food, took care of dinners, and providing the church, and my many talented family members, who made slide show of memories, and large pictures for dads memorial, and for all of the beautiful flowers and plants.
So grateful for my talented Son and daughter in law singing one of dads favorite songs for his memorial, for the congregational singing, and my brother in law and nephews for being able to speak at dads memorial. it was a beautiful service, the urn we had picked out for daddy was wooden with a etched scene of the mountains, and a man riding a motorcycle into those mountains (which fit dads hobbies to a T)
We love you daddy and we will miss you so much. We will take care of mom for you.
Thank you everyone for letting me share this with you.

just rambling trying to fighting sadness

Some days I have so many thoughts going through my mind.

I waken each morning with thoughts of dad, seems each time I see him he is different in one way or another. My last visit he didn't know me, was very quiet (which anyone who knows dad knows he is quite the talker). he looked so feeble, and tired. he didn't even try to get up. When he did speak it was so quiet and it was jumbled. I tried not to cry I just looked away, and got up and hugged him tight.
My husband tried to get him to smile and nothing. This lewy body dementia is horrible, it has taken a strong, talkative Christian man and dragged him down to a shell of a man, who can barely walk, who makes no sense when he talks, but overall he is still kind and concerned about others.
He is now on pureed food, and thick drinks to keep him from choking.  He don't know when or if he is thirsty so he gets dehydrated easily and his legs swell. Which is not good, because everything in your body needs hydrated to work properly. I pray for daddy to go peacefully, hoping he is not in pain. its just so hard.

Recently my husband reached out to his 18 year old daughter who has been alienated from him for the last 4 years she lives in Oregon and we are in Missouri, he sent a card and a letter. Nothing.
I encouraged him to keep sending her cards and letters, this has been going on for two months now. still nothing. she keeps all her social media locked down tight. and wants nothing to do with him.
I have seen my husband cry several times over the last few years, because of this crazy situation he is in. Courts can not help she is 18, she can make her own choices. Which is fine, We wish her well.
 but I worry, she means the world to my husband, and he is slowly giving up hope of a relationship with her.
At least he has my son and his family,  I know they are not his flesh and blood, but he thinks the world of them. very proud of their accomplishments.

Its just aggravating knowing someone who was married to this horrible woman who would go above and beyond to try and keep him out of his daughters lives. She filed for divorce and bought him a plane ticket back to Kansas to stay with his mother.
all while he was recuperating from bypass surgery, can you say B*%#@.
Then when he is safely landed and settled in, she tells him she has been seeing someone else for awhile, even while he was in surgery for his bypass she was with this jerk.
It is hard for me to fathom someone that evil and conniving. She slowly turned his daughters against him. why couldn't she just let it be? She is a parental Alienator. She is not a victim. he is.

KARMA is due in OREGON.

Problems of parenting with your EX

For the past 9 years I have  watched parental alienation slowly take place with my husband and his two children being the victims. At first it was difficult to understand, because divorce was not common in our family. I had friends that divorced, but they were mutually friendly in front of the children.

We met and fell in love about 9 years ago and he had suffer a great deal of loss' including the break up of his marriage and having to relocate to Midwest to stay with family because his soon to be ex had bought him a plane ticket back home from the upper west coast. I could not imagine saying goodbye to my children like he had to.

he was frail and very depressed his health was not good at all, and he had just loss his mother and brother and dad all within about a 7 month period. all with the same heart disease he has.
At first  he would call his children a few times a week and they would visit for a while, at that time his children were 9 and 4.  being that his health was not allowing him to hold down a full time job, he couldn't send much for gifts or things, so I would help out. We had applied for disability but that is a long process so we were waiting it out. We would send the children little tokens of things from Midwest or movies so forth. We found out since we had to send everything to his ex's work because she didn't want packages delivered to her home. we find that the children never received their gifts, or gift cards. hmmmm, slowly the eldest child was growing into a teen, and had several issues from the break up of the family so she was seeing a therapist, and  had grown to disrespect her dad a great deal. Saying he abandoned them, and didn't care for them we could over hear his ex in the back ground telling them what to say that was hateful. This continued for about two years then his ex found out we had gotten married. OMG things blew then  of course we had already told the children we were getting married. She had already gotten married, and within six months of her marriage she was separated. (they reconciled when she blew a gasket when we got married), he was approved for disability finally! and we find out he should modify child support because between what his month support was for children and what he was behind on left him nothing to use towards meds or anything. Another gasket was blown! she hit the roof, we found out she was getting most of his disability check and drawing off of social security for the kids. nearly $1000 a month and she bragged, but modification went through and he has to pay nothing but the back pay and she draws off his social security until kids are 18 or 21.

She took us to court several times, finally asking that he not contact children anymore cause they feared for their lives. (which judge didn't get were she was going with that being that there were never any threats or anything) She claimed that has put them all in therapy because they have nightmares and fears he will show up to take them. which is BS. Although my husband did send his ex text messages out of anger but he never threaten her. just calling her out on her BS. its is difficult fighting a case when you live in Midwest state and they live on the coastal state, but luckily the court allow phone hearings, and mediation. which got us no where, she stuck to her guns and my husband finally agreed to no contact until they are 18 which one will be 18 tomorrow. He wanted the children to have peace of mind. He had very little influence on them since they were never with him. She slowly cut off phone and email contact, prior to the hearings. had the eldest child well informed on her side of the whole mess. which is sad. they have moved at least 6 times in 9 years, at one time we had someone calling us looking for his ex that it was urgent we didn't know what was going on we were concerned for the children.
Since we have been cut off from any sort contact we had discovered several disturbing tweets from his eldest child, and we became very concerned about the whole mess. I guess I got a little to brave and emailed her husband and explained how worried, and his ex wife who he is still friends, then I wrote my husbands ex and introduced myself.
Well we ended back up in court, she felt we were threating her so I was now included in the no contact and she and her family were included in it. Weird thing is she (ex  wife) is close friends with her ex husbands  aunt (who she never met) and his stepdad and his children (who she never met) and her ex husbands now ex best friend.  Why is it ok for her to contact her ex husbands family and friends and tell all kinds of stories to them and have them spy on us but we can not know anything about them?  Do we care? NO We just want those poor innocent children to be safe and well.
I keep those children in my prayers that they are not totally ruined.

Stay tuned.....

thoughtful husband and Christmas

Having a thoughtful caring husband is wonderful but at Christmas time, why does he always ask "what do you need this year?"

to which I reply "I don't really neeeeed anything" and he replies "what can I get you, you deserve something nice." and I reply "surprise me!"

This has went on for the last 7 years, how do you ladies out there who have been married for much longer handle this?

I definitely know not to tell him clothes, because his taste is much different than my conservative comfortable taste! LOL

For some reason he thinks I love pink, pink everything. I have told him no I don't want pink.
some is ok but not everything, pink phone holder, pink shirts, pink socks, pink earrings. NO!

I know he means well.... but just surprise me... but keep the receipt! LOL don't get me wrong he has great taste, just at times its a bit much.

Then comes the shopping for my son and daughter in law and grandkids...
I know he loves to spoil I do too... but sometimes a couple of toys for the grandkids is better than all toys, they need clothes and other stuff too.

We set a budget and he just ignores it!  I love him dearly...

Men are like big children... they get so excited during the holidays... they want special food dishes made, and their Christmas lighting! it is nice, but when its all over, they are not too excited on putting it away! LOL


This year Christmas will be a bit different with my dad in nursing home, and mom all alone.

Some siblings have other plans so they can just relax and recharge. 

But in the long run it will be a very special Christmas, we have so much to be thankful for no matter what we get under that tree.

In case I do not get a chance to write again before the Christmas Holiday, Wishing you all a very blessed Christmas

 

A very different Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving Greetings to all:

It has been a very emotional and busy 8 months for our family, we had to sell the family farm, and relocated our parents to the city in a much smaller place near us.

Then Dad's Alzheimer's/ Dementia has sped up he is now in a Nursing home and mom is living alone for the first time in her 74 years of life.  Taking care of dad got to much for her, his hallucinations and not sleeping it was a hard choice but it was for the best.

Each one of my siblings and their family's have decided to celebrate their own way this year. Some with mom some of us with our own little families or just leaving town.

Dad will be visited as he always is, somehow he is comforted even though he does not acknowledge us.

We each have our own way of preparing ourselves for what is coming with our parents.  it is very difficult for my son he is the first grandson of my parents, and he did not have a father growing up so his grandpa was his father figure.  

Please be safe this Thanksgiving Holiday and Love and hugs to all of your families.