Psycho?

If anyone, through this horrific alienation ordeal, has called you a “psycho”- your response should be- “thank you very much.”
You have been lied to, falsely accused of abuse, denied visitation, denied phone contact, been blocked from everything, drug into court to witness a cast of more liars and money grabbers to have your reputation put on the chopping block...
...

Yeah we are a little psycho...

But what kind of healthy parent would not go ballistic when their children are deliberately taught how to hate and literally stolen from their life????
We as alienated parents are pissed as hell and we want our children back NOW!
We are not going to take this bullshit any longer...
So we are going a little psycho!!!
We are going to yell from the rooftops to our local senators and congress and demand that our children be given the opportunity and freedom to love both parents,
We are going to educate teachers, counselors, school supervisors, law enforcement, CPS, parents etc... that taking a child from a loving parent is NOT going to be tolerated!
We are a little psycho because our children love us, need us and are counting on us to save them from the pain of parental alienation.

What went so bad when you got your way in the divorce that you felt the need to hurt us more? You got child support, you got the marriage ended, you got custody of the children, you got to mess them up anyone you wanted and yet you are still trying to hurt me? Why I ask, you cheated, you filed, you decided. So you are still trying to hurt me, someday you will not have full control over these children and they will be curious, they will ask questions, they will learn to hate you for lying to them, and deciding to cut their other parent out of their lives.

The only thing you have to fear is your SELF, cause as you grow older and the children are out of the home, you will have to live with yourself and the bed you have made. We have waited years for this and we can wait longer yet, but your day is coming, and I hope to GOD no one feels sorry for you, cause the truth does come out eventually, juggling all those balls must be exhausting.

You were not thinking long term were you? Always instant gratification with you.

So YES I am a little PSYCO... Thank you.

 

Nearly a decade watching my husband heartbreak

Over the last 10 years I have watched my husband struggle with his emotions on his relationship with his daughters and the dealings with his ex.

He has always been guarded on his emotions as most men are, but there as been at least half dozen times I have watched him breakdown and cry.

The crying was so heartbreaking to witness, I tried to console him, I wanted to make it better but so many roadblocks in the way.

He puts on a brave front, he wants what is best for his daughters; he knows the situation they are in and have been in for the last  ten years is far from perfect; at least they have a roof over their heads and have food on the table. the examples they have are sad excuses for adults. she knows just how close to bend the law before breaking it.

My dear husband is not a real religious man, although we have prayed together on several occasions, prayed that God will watch over his daughters and help take some of his heartache away.

 He has changed so much from the lost, angry, hurt man he was ten years ago, he has mellowed, and is more considerate, he says he thinks of his daughters plenty, more or less morning, noon and night. Certain times of the year he reflects on what his daughters might be doing. But still he knows he is a stranger to them and they are strangers to him, just wants to get to know them, and be in their lives.

Just a few weeks ago, he brought up the subject of his oldest daughter, saying he hope is she is not a 100% like her mom, since her mom has been the only influence she has had for ten years; not by his choice but his ex's, his desire is that maybe just maybe his daughter has just a little bit of his personality and goodness; if not it will be hopeless; she will be just as evil, and able to use people and hurt people and one that plays victim.

This breaks my heart two people that had children together can be so hateful to one another, I understand why my husband is angry, he was put in this position because of his ex's wants and desires.
I stepped in and help him fight, for he had basically given up, I got a little peeved at him, telling him to fight for your children, fight to be in their lives, as always she is a step ahead of us, and its easier for her to keep people on her side since she has the girls living with her, and primarily keeps everything on the outside on the up and up, but inside her home we are pretty sure its not all a bed of roses.

This my friends is predominantly what happens on the receiving end of a Parental Alienator, some people are fortunate enough to live in same zip code as their ex, unfortunately he was not given the choice of that, he was given a plane ticket along with the divorce papers.
He had about two days to say goodbye, who does that to their children, or their spouse? She did. All because she had other wants and desires.

 we keep watchful eye an daily prayers; #dadlovesyou
@frye_aug2010

Saying goodbye to daddy

On January 29,2018 Daddy took his last breath.
Before dad death 6 months ago, he changed so much, at first he would hallucinate and unknown to us at first he was acting out his dreams too, wandering non stop for hours and hours, (like sleep walking) Lewy body dementia is the form that daddy had, we did not know at first nor did the doctors, as in most dementias at first they are all similar, some just sleep a lot or chatter talk, some forget everything, but not our daddy, he started out not knowing what to expect, but felt he was given a death sentence. it was slow at first, he would forget things, he chose to give up driving when he got lost in his home town and couldn't find his way back home (thank goodness mom was with him), forgetting to eat, forgetting to wear shoes, forgetting to take meds without mom reminding him. He started sleeping less and less, up all hours of the night,  we could see it taking its toll on mom, she was worrying and cranky, he watched less and less TV (which use to be his favorite pass time)
He quit studying the Bible, cause reading was to difficult.
We knew it was time to make strong suggestions to our parents about moving from the farm to the city closer to us kids, so we could help as needed, that was a whole different process, dad was ready to move cause he knew he was getting worse, but mom wanted to stay longer, but gradually have made many trips to the farm us kids finally convinced her that it was time, We understood it was difficult giving up her dream retirement home, and going to a smaller one level duplex, but it would be closer to many doctors and hospitals, and closer to us kids so we could check on them, that all happened just in time, within about a three month period of living in the city, and many doctor appointments for them both, something  snapped within dad he wandered off one Sunday morning while waiting on mom to finish getting ready, thank goodness one Sibling was coming by to pick them up for church services, and was flagged down by a neighbor that dad was off in the wooded area, she ran out to get him and he was completely out of it, she could barely hold him up and walk, she immediately called me once she got him in the house and settled and gave him a drink.
When I got there mom was upset thinking we were upset with her, and we decided to take him to hospital, and that was the beginning of dads last 5 months with us, 11 hospitals and nursing homes, including geriatric psych stays, he grew weaker, and something about him would change, he was slowly losing his beautiful personality although we did get glimpses of it from time to time but he was slipping away, his beautiful smile was less often, he talked less, (which was very unlike daddy he never met a stranger) even though he was mostly hallucinating and wandering, he still was concerned for others, and the love of his life our mom, he always seem to perk up some when she came to visit, a few of there last times together, he wouldn't talk much, but he would just hold her hand as he drifted off to sleep.
dads swelling in his legs and feet and hands had gotten so bad towards the end of his time, and part of it I blame on the inattentive nursing home workers, he never got anything to drink except meal time, basically he didn't know if he was hungry or thirsty, he could not easily swallow anymore, unless it was finely pureed he had to drink thick fluids because he could choke.
Then January 29th approximately 12:30pm I received a call from hospice that he was gone, he was not alone, hospice was sitting with him but he did not want to be revived and we honored that, cause we knew his quality of life was not what he wanted.
I had to break the news to my little brother who works at the same place of employment I do, we took a few moments to cry and hug and we told our boss' they told us to go be with our family. but first we needed to call our siblings and find mom.
We all met at moms place and hugged and cried, but we knew we needed to make some firm plans, we had not yet decided where we wanted to have dad cremated, we had discussed it the weekend before  thinking we had several more months or so,
Thankfully one of my dear brother in laws, and one of my sisters went to the nursing home to say goodbye to daddy and hospice helped them make the choice of where to take dad, cause they can only hold him 6 hours at the nursing home. I know that must have been very difficult for them to do, but I am thankful for them as they chose to do it.
dads service was church like , thankful for my family's strong connection to so many wonderful people that brought food, took care of dinners, and providing the church, and my many talented family members, who made slide show of memories, and large pictures for dads memorial, and for all of the beautiful flowers and plants.
So grateful for my talented Son and daughter in law singing one of dads favorite songs for his memorial, for the congregational singing, and my brother in law and nephews for being able to speak at dads memorial. it was a beautiful service, the urn we had picked out for daddy was wooden with a etched scene of the mountains, and a man riding a motorcycle into those mountains (which fit dads hobbies to a T)
We love you daddy and we will miss you so much. We will take care of mom for you.
Thank you everyone for letting me share this with you.

just rambling trying to fighting sadness

Some days I have so many thoughts going through my mind.

I waken each morning with thoughts of dad, seems each time I see him he is different in one way or another. My last visit he didn't know me, was very quiet (which anyone who knows dad knows he is quite the talker). he looked so feeble, and tired. he didn't even try to get up. When he did speak it was so quiet and it was jumbled. I tried not to cry I just looked away, and got up and hugged him tight.
My husband tried to get him to smile and nothing. This lewy body dementia is horrible, it has taken a strong, talkative Christian man and dragged him down to a shell of a man, who can barely walk, who makes no sense when he talks, but overall he is still kind and concerned about others.
He is now on pureed food, and thick drinks to keep him from choking.  He don't know when or if he is thirsty so he gets dehydrated easily and his legs swell. Which is not good, because everything in your body needs hydrated to work properly. I pray for daddy to go peacefully, hoping he is not in pain. its just so hard.

Recently my husband reached out to his 18 year old daughter who has been alienated from him for the last 4 years she lives in Oregon and we are in Missouri, he sent a card and a letter. Nothing.
I encouraged him to keep sending her cards and letters, this has been going on for two months now. still nothing. she keeps all her social media locked down tight. and wants nothing to do with him.
I have seen my husband cry several times over the last few years, because of this crazy situation he is in. Courts can not help she is 18, she can make her own choices. Which is fine, We wish her well.
 but I worry, she means the world to my husband, and he is slowly giving up hope of a relationship with her.
At least he has my son and his family,  I know they are not his flesh and blood, but he thinks the world of them. very proud of their accomplishments.

Its just aggravating knowing someone who was married to this horrible woman who would go above and beyond to try and keep him out of his daughters lives. She filed for divorce and bought him a plane ticket back to Kansas to stay with his mother.
all while he was recuperating from bypass surgery, can you say B*%#@.
Then when he is safely landed and settled in, she tells him she has been seeing someone else for awhile, even while he was in surgery for his bypass she was with this jerk.
It is hard for me to fathom someone that evil and conniving. She slowly turned his daughters against him. why couldn't she just let it be? She is a parental Alienator. She is not a victim. he is.

KARMA is due in OREGON.

Problems of parenting with your EX

For the past 9 years I have  watched parental alienation slowly take place with my husband and his two children being the victims. At first it was difficult to understand, because divorce was not common in our family. I had friends that divorced, but they were mutually friendly in front of the children.

We met and fell in love about 9 years ago and he had suffer a great deal of loss' including the break up of his marriage and having to relocate to Midwest to stay with family because his soon to be ex had bought him a plane ticket back home from the upper west coast. I could not imagine saying goodbye to my children like he had to.

he was frail and very depressed his health was not good at all, and he had just loss his mother and brother and dad all within about a 7 month period. all with the same heart disease he has.
At first  he would call his children a few times a week and they would visit for a while, at that time his children were 9 and 4.  being that his health was not allowing him to hold down a full time job, he couldn't send much for gifts or things, so I would help out. We had applied for disability but that is a long process so we were waiting it out. We would send the children little tokens of things from Midwest or movies so forth. We found out since we had to send everything to his ex's work because she didn't want packages delivered to her home. we find that the children never received their gifts, or gift cards. hmmmm, slowly the eldest child was growing into a teen, and had several issues from the break up of the family so she was seeing a therapist, and  had grown to disrespect her dad a great deal. Saying he abandoned them, and didn't care for them we could over hear his ex in the back ground telling them what to say that was hateful. This continued for about two years then his ex found out we had gotten married. OMG things blew then  of course we had already told the children we were getting married. She had already gotten married, and within six months of her marriage she was separated. (they reconciled when she blew a gasket when we got married), he was approved for disability finally! and we find out he should modify child support because between what his month support was for children and what he was behind on left him nothing to use towards meds or anything. Another gasket was blown! she hit the roof, we found out she was getting most of his disability check and drawing off of social security for the kids. nearly $1000 a month and she bragged, but modification went through and he has to pay nothing but the back pay and she draws off his social security until kids are 18 or 21.

She took us to court several times, finally asking that he not contact children anymore cause they feared for their lives. (which judge didn't get were she was going with that being that there were never any threats or anything) She claimed that has put them all in therapy because they have nightmares and fears he will show up to take them. which is BS. Although my husband did send his ex text messages out of anger but he never threaten her. just calling her out on her BS. its is difficult fighting a case when you live in Midwest state and they live on the coastal state, but luckily the court allow phone hearings, and mediation. which got us no where, she stuck to her guns and my husband finally agreed to no contact until they are 18 which one will be 18 tomorrow. He wanted the children to have peace of mind. He had very little influence on them since they were never with him. She slowly cut off phone and email contact, prior to the hearings. had the eldest child well informed on her side of the whole mess. which is sad. they have moved at least 6 times in 9 years, at one time we had someone calling us looking for his ex that it was urgent we didn't know what was going on we were concerned for the children.
Since we have been cut off from any sort contact we had discovered several disturbing tweets from his eldest child, and we became very concerned about the whole mess. I guess I got a little to brave and emailed her husband and explained how worried, and his ex wife who he is still friends, then I wrote my husbands ex and introduced myself.
Well we ended back up in court, she felt we were threating her so I was now included in the no contact and she and her family were included in it. Weird thing is she (ex  wife) is close friends with her ex husbands  aunt (who she never met) and his stepdad and his children (who she never met) and her ex husbands now ex best friend.  Why is it ok for her to contact her ex husbands family and friends and tell all kinds of stories to them and have them spy on us but we can not know anything about them?  Do we care? NO We just want those poor innocent children to be safe and well.
I keep those children in my prayers that they are not totally ruined.

Stay tuned.....

thoughtful husband and Christmas

Having a thoughtful caring husband is wonderful but at Christmas time, why does he always ask "what do you need this year?"

to which I reply "I don't really neeeeed anything" and he replies "what can I get you, you deserve something nice." and I reply "surprise me!"

This has went on for the last 7 years, how do you ladies out there who have been married for much longer handle this?

I definitely know not to tell him clothes, because his taste is much different than my conservative comfortable taste! LOL

For some reason he thinks I love pink, pink everything. I have told him no I don't want pink.
some is ok but not everything, pink phone holder, pink shirts, pink socks, pink earrings. NO!

I know he means well.... but just surprise me... but keep the receipt! LOL don't get me wrong he has great taste, just at times its a bit much.

Then comes the shopping for my son and daughter in law and grandkids...
I know he loves to spoil I do too... but sometimes a couple of toys for the grandkids is better than all toys, they need clothes and other stuff too.

We set a budget and he just ignores it!  I love him dearly...

Men are like big children... they get so excited during the holidays... they want special food dishes made, and their Christmas lighting! it is nice, but when its all over, they are not too excited on putting it away! LOL


This year Christmas will be a bit different with my dad in nursing home, and mom all alone.

Some siblings have other plans so they can just relax and recharge. 

But in the long run it will be a very special Christmas, we have so much to be thankful for no matter what we get under that tree.

In case I do not get a chance to write again before the Christmas Holiday, Wishing you all a very blessed Christmas

 

A very different Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving Greetings to all:

It has been a very emotional and busy 8 months for our family, we had to sell the family farm, and relocated our parents to the city in a much smaller place near us.

Then Dad's Alzheimer's/ Dementia has sped up he is now in a Nursing home and mom is living alone for the first time in her 74 years of life.  Taking care of dad got to much for her, his hallucinations and not sleeping it was a hard choice but it was for the best.

Each one of my siblings and their family's have decided to celebrate their own way this year. Some with mom some of us with our own little families or just leaving town.

Dad will be visited as he always is, somehow he is comforted even though he does not acknowledge us.

We each have our own way of preparing ourselves for what is coming with our parents.  it is very difficult for my son he is the first grandson of my parents, and he did not have a father growing up so his grandpa was his father figure.  

Please be safe this Thanksgiving Holiday and Love and hugs to all of your families.

biting my tongue

I have come to that time in my life when it is getting more and more difficult to hold back from what I want to say to someone.
But clearly I know if I unleash what I truly want to say it will hurt someone and maybe others.

I am to the point now, that if I say what I feel needs to be said, I may say hurtful things that I may regret later if and when this person passes on.

Why do I still have some "respect" for this person?

I have known self centered people and greedy people, but I was not close to them, I just knew them and steered clear of trying to get to close. But then there are those who you have had no choice but be close to, and I wonder how did this person get this way? Is this person capable of loving or is the only person they love themselves?

why are earthly possessions so important to this person? why does this person feel they need to show how "rich" they are? Was their childhood that horrible they must forget?
 
this person has no feelings except greed, and hate, they always put themselves first, Never once happy for someone they get jealous or have to say something negative.

This person has lived a good long life, has not taken good care of their self physically , they are addicted to pain medication, and denies it, this person is never happy. Never seen them smile much.

I went through and out of wedlock pregnancy and as much as I wanted to tell this person my situation I couldn't for fear of  being disowned and hated more. Although they did eventually find out the big surprise, I was not spoken to by this person for several months, while living under the same roof. this person was very upset at what I had done, but now takes  100% credit for raising my child.

Why couldn't this person be more like their mother, my grandma? the greed this person has, even separated them and their own sibling after grandmas death, over greed of money. they made up years later but little to late sibling passed away soon after reconcile.
 
I want to scream at this person "I HATE YOU and you' re a GREEDY needy  self medicating person " Is that bad?

Why have you messed me up so bad? Why do I feel I can never do anything right? Why do I always feel like a failure?
I have felt more self confident in the last 9 years because my husband has showed me I am appreciated and loved.

Tuesday evening with elderly parents

Went to visit my elderly parents on Tuesday evening, check on them see how they are doing.
Mom had rotator surgery about two weeks ago, and is anxious to get the stitches out; but as usual there is complications she is a bleeder and her wound trickles blood, they have a visiting nurse stopping in twice a week checking her bandage, now they are testing her blood for they feel she is low on iron. She watches over dad who has dementia he is up at all hours during night and it has gotten to be to much for her. She has decided it is time to put him in nursing home. breaks my heart to know it has come to this, but in a strange way I feel relief, knowing dad will get good care and attention, and will get his medication as needed. she blames her lack of healing on watching dad, and not being able to sleep.
I am by no means a doctor, but when you eat wrong for example Twinkies, doughnuts, m&m's, no vegetables, no meals, only a hot dog or a sandwich for dinner, and breakfast was sweetened sugary cereal
with half&half and fill in other times with sweets that is not healthy. sorry I just get emotional about this whole thing angers me. "Its till death do us part."



I am not sure what mom will do with all her time once dad has been put into a nursing home, she has no hobbies, she has never been real social.

so sad  :(

How peoples comments have changed me

now that I am 55 years old, I reflect back to comments people have made to me or about me over the years, and realize even though they may have been hurtful at the time, its made me a stronger person in some ways, in others I just don't care.

Back in high school, I was very shy, was not to involved in high school, I had friends outside of high school; mainly from church or my part time job.
Being from a large family we did a great deal together or I was expected to watch my younger siblings.
being very shy though, when I had to do something in front of class or in front of a group or as a group setting, I would get so much anxiety, lack of self confidence I guess not sure.

As I came into my senior year, I had enough credits so I chose not to attend high school and work full time as a morning prep manager at a fast food restaurant, I did not participate in school activities as much because I was making more friends outside of school, and enjoying making big money! LOL
Oh how I would do the opposite now. But it was all a learning experience.
I have always been heavy, never real athletic not good at much physically  People made comments on how "big" I began starving myself during late teens early twenties, acne was pretty bad at times (or at least I felt it was, which probably didn't help my self esteem much)

As I have gotten older I have learned to stay away from people who are clearly hung up on how they look, physically, and financially, because that is all they truly care about is how people see them.

Being a single parent, people of the 1980's talked behind my back, and it did not help much having a child that was half Samoan, but I strived to make sure my son had as good a life as I could give him, and always cut people short when they would make a comment about my child.  He grew up to be a very strong man.
Now being in mid 50's I am heavy, I am married my husband thinks I am beautiful, I have Platinum gray hair, I am a granny to two fantastic grandchildren, I have worked at the same employer for over 28 years, I have owned a home, owned cars,  I have traveled, I have learned to stand up for myself and protect those I love and care for, ignore people who like to belittle others, limit stress in my life, although I have distant old friends, they have went on with their lives, and we keep in contact somewhat, but life moves on. They know they are always welcome in my life.

Another Evening of Dad Sitting

I spent another Tuesday evening sitting with my dad who has dementia. I can see his decline each week.
It amazes me how busy he is now, its like watching a toddler discover things, last night he was trying to take some coats "down stairs" (there is not a downstairs) folding and unfolding shirts. visiting with his imaginary people laughing and mumbling.
It is so difficult seeing him like this.
dad use to be very laid back and relaxed now he is busy but gets nothing done.
He has an appointment with another doctor the middle of September, not real sure what will come of this visit but we must try what we can to hold onto what we got.
Mom is having her surgery on her shoulder replacement next week.
Dementia is such a horrible disease I would rank it right up there with cancer, for what we have seen happen to our strong, intelligent daddy has been very difficult for all of us, he has become a shell of the man he was, you get little glimpses of the real dad once in a while but briefly ,he still knows us, that I count my blessings for.
For those who have dealt or are dealing with a loved one with dementia I can relate, each of us has our own stories, sometimes you just have to laugh at what they are doing, its either that or cry and that time will come.
It just helps me to write about it.